Sometimes, it just feels like you’ve lost your edge. Or your freak flag. Or your passion. Or all three at once. Basically, your mojo has flown the coop and you are SOOOOO ready for it to come back! First of all, you will get through it. You will survive. Take a deep breath and know that these things are true right now.
These 3 practical tips will help you get your mojo back fast! They turn you around and put you back on a path to support you, which hasn’t been happening (which is how you lost your mojo in the first place!)
1) Choose Something New
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be
– Lao Tzu
Your life is exactly where it needs to be right now (cringe), AND it does not need to stay exactly where it is. You know when things are not working any more. It Is not that you don’t know what you want. It is that you’ve accepted the way things are and have forgotten that you have the right to choose something different, something new. For example, though I loved my ex deeply, I looked around one day and realized I had totally remade parts of myself (as many women have) to match what he needed and loved, and I had lost much of myself in the process. The specifics are probably different for you, yet you may have lost sight of what joy feels like. When you lose the connection to your own needs and desires, and it’s time to choose something new.
It is time to choose you. It is time to choose joy.
● What do you want? Pick three things that bring you joy.
● Don’t judge what they are, just make sure they are YOUR things.
● Dig Deep: maybe something from your childhood, or something you negated doing in a past relationship, or that doesn’t feel comfortable for you.
● Choose it with abandon and excitement! You make the rules now!
2) Nurture Yourself
When the well is dry, we know the worth of water
– Benjamin Franklin
Whatever it is, it may have been something that knocked the wind out of your sails, or a slow erosion of what started off as something great. You have to start somewhere, and the effort that you make now may be just the shift you need. Regular exercise may be great, or perhaps right now you need stillness. Or maybe the nurturing you require wants to be fun (hellllooooo joy!) like roller skating, swimming at the beach, a dance class, yoga… just pick something! If you want that pint of Chunky Monkey, go ahead… just not every night. Take a hot bubble bath or get a full body massage.
To fill the well with nurturing moments:
Write down what part of you needs the most attention. Is it sleep, activity, stillness, indulgence, inspiration, connection?
Choose one simple activity that will feed and nurture you for the next 7 days. It could be the same activity every day or a series of different ones. You may have already discovered it in your list of “what brings you joy” in #1, above, or it might be something new. If you are feeling disconnected, perhaps it’s coffee with a friend. If you are totally exhausted, schedule in a nap. If you feel deprived from treating yourself, have that ice cream. I’ve eaten more ice cream in the last 2 months than I did in the decade before, and I’ve lost weight! Why? I’m doing it from a place of nurturing myself, NOT from a place of soothing myself while simultaneously beating myself up, which was my old behavior pattern. En-JOY when you nurture yourself, guilt-free! After all, recharging your batteries will make everything better.
Give yourself permission to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS for once instead of resisting them. That’s also part of nurturing yourself. The sooner you allow it fully, the sooner you can get through to the other side of those feelings.
3) Remove, Release, Detach
Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it.
– David Levithan
If you can, remove yourself from a situation that’s draining you. Or release the person that’s sucking your energy from your life. It may be a hard conversation.. You don’t just want to ghost someone or quit without notice; however, do what you need to resolve it. Of course, sometimes you can’t just pick a new husband, or a new kid, or a new company. In that case, learn to detach from the situation or person. This means not being attached to how they treat you or what happens. You don’t need to ignore it completely – just keep reminding yourself that this is about THEM, and not you.
Use one of my favorite mantras: “What other people think about me is none of my business.” Send that person or situation a wave of love. That may sound counter-intuitive, yet you would be surprised at how much it may make you feel better – and how it will change the circumstances over time. Remember that the feelings don’t belong to you in the first place and you have no obligation to take them on.
4) BONUS: Get Help
Sometimes our light goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being.
– Albert Schweitzer
If you’ve tried and tried and you feel like you can’t shift this alone, get help. The voice telling you that you SHOULD be over it may need a gentle reminder that you are doing just fine. The ex, friend, or family member may not understand what you are going through or they may be too attached. It is not about finite healing. It is about transformation. Get help from someone who can see you for who you really are, not the “broken” thing you believe you’ve become. If you are truly ready for transformation, please sign up for a complimentary breakthrough session with me that can help you shift more deeply.
PS. Thoughts of suicide, feelings that the world would be a better place without you, or a desire to harm yourself or others, should not be ignored under any circumstances. Please seek help from someone you trust AND a medical professional.